all due respect

It’s my Mum’s funeral tomorrow and friends, family and acquaintances have sorted travel arrangements, booked hotels and taken time away from work or cleared their diaries in order to attend and pay their respects.
 
How is it that in our busy lives we are able to stop everything to attend a funeral for someone who is no longer with us?
 
As soon as someone dies we are able to sort travel, take time off work, clear diaries and prioritise time for that person, but we can’t seem to do this when they are still alive.
 
When they are still with us there is no rush, life is busy, travel is a hassle and we can’t really afford to book a hotel for the night or take time off work.  We mean well when we say “we must get together sometime” or “ we’ll come and see you” but it rarely happens. Where is the respect for the person then?
 
What we fail to realise in our pursuit of “fulfilling lives” is that time is the most valuable thing any of us have.  Some of us seem to have more time or are able to make more time but the truth is we all have 24 hours a day and 365 days a year and no amount of money, power or prestige can increase that number – we ultimately decide what we do with that time.

We need to dispel the myth that “the quieter day is coming”
 
When we retire we’ll……
Once I get that promotion……
When it quietens down at work……
 
The true sadness of a funeral is that we have no more time with that person.  Some of us think of all the things we wished we’d done and said, the meet ups that never happened, the days out and the holidays that were often talked about but never materialised

I wonder how many of those attending will be going out of a sense of guilt rather than a sense of celebration and thankfulness.

My Mum was 72 when she died. 

I’ve been told “it’s no age”.  Well, my Mum had 63 more years than my friend’s nephew who died recently at the age of 9 and 11 more years than my friend who also died recently at the age of 61. 

We don’t have a right to a certain number of days and years in our lives but we do have the opportunity to use them the best way we can. 

It seems that when you get to a certain age the view changes to “well they had a good innings…”
 
To continue the cricketing analogy, it’s not just the century scoring innings that make the most impact. What about the elegant knock of 61 that changes the course of the match or the tail ender who only scores 9 but enables others to keep scoring runs at the other end?
 
As I iron my shirt and pack my bags for tomorrow, I’m reminded of the Latin phrase (my Grammar school education is to blame for this!) “Carpe Diem” – seize the day.  This is used to urge someone to make the most of the present time and give little thought to the future.
 
“Be present” or “Be here now” are the modern day equivalents.
 
I don’t mean that we fill every moment of every day. Going for a walk with a friend or spending time playing a silly game with your child or grandchild are some of the most productive things you can do as they produce and enhance a relationship and that is what life is all about
 
The people attending tomorrow are only going because of the relationship they had with my Mum.
 
The funeral is taking place in my home town which is beside the sea.  As I walk along the sea front to my hotel tomorrow night (after the funeral) and look out at the waves, I will be reminded that “time and tide wait for no one”.

So, let’s seize the day.

Let’s be proactive in making that phone call, getting that date in the diary, being more spontaneous and creating moments where relationships can and will flourish.
 
That is the best way to show respect.

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.” (Harvey Mackay)

Rob Brett

18/11/2019