It was our wedding anniversary earlier this month and looking at the cards we received reminded me of this piece. I wrote this last year but unfortunately nothing has changed.
It’s always nice to receive an anniversary card – it’s our 20th wedding anniversary this week.
However the way the card was addressed, Mr & Mrs R Brett, angered me and interestingly when I asked various people (men and women) to look at the card and tell me if anything stood out for them – not many saw what I saw. They missed what is still seen as normal or is accepted as the way things have always been.
My wife’s name is Laura. If it was Rose or Rachel or Rebecca it would have been fine as we would then be Mr & Mrs R Brett (my name is Robert).
My wife is no more Mrs Robert Brett than I am Mr Laura Brett. I don’t look much like a Laura and my wife certainly doesn’t look like a Robert!
This got me thinking. This is the traditional way for addressing a married couple. However, this traditional way is just that – traditional. It comes from a different era. The era before women were able to vote, the era when the opportunities for women when they left school were seriously limited, the era when women were taught how to cook and provide for the man of the house rather than explore and fulfil the God given gifts they have.
Language and the use of language has such power. The word tradition comes from the Latin words, “trans” which means “across” and “dare” which means “give”. This then formed the Latin word “tradere” which means “deliver”, “hand over”, “betray”, “give up”. We need to ensure that we are not betrayed by our loyalty to tradition. It is time to give up certain traditions for good.
Another thought occurred to me – why don’t we ever see any cards addressed to Mrs & Mr – especially when the majority of cards are written by women (this is not a sexist remark ask yourself who writes most of the cards in your household!) In fact this card was written by a woman.
I admit that from a purely alphabetical perspective Mr comes before Mrs and because we have said it in that order for so long it doesn’t feel or sound right saying it the other way round. A bit like Ant and Dec – Dec and Ant?! Or knife and fork – fork and knife?!
My wife is not Mrs R Brett she is Mrs L Brett and in fact in this age of time saving and speed why wasn’t the card just addressed to Mr and Mrs Brett? If you are going to add one initial why not add both. It doesn’t take much time or effort to add in the “L” as well as the “R”.
As I mentioned at the start, it is OUR 20th wedding anniversary this week. Not mine but OUR.
We both bring different gifts to our marriage and as a couple we have supported and encouraged each other through times of incredible joy and times of devastating pain over the past 20 years. Our marriage has not lasted 20 years because I own my wife or because she is Mrs R Brett but because we are equals and we bring our gifts equally to our marriage partnership.
This is not a business relationship where one of us is the majority shareholder and the other is the silent partner. This is a true partnership which only survives and ultimate thrives when we bring out the best in each other and enable each other to be the best Rob or the best Laura we can be.
So, happy anniversary Mrs L Brett. Here’s to many more years together as Mr and Mrs Brett, Mrs and Mr Brett, Mr R Brett & Mrs L Brett, Mrs L Brett & Mr R Brett, Mr & Mrs R & L Brett and Mrs & Mr L & R Brett, Laura and Rob, Rob and Laura.
“Tradition is an explanation for acting without thinking” Grace Mcgarvie
“But test them all; hold on to what is good” 1 Thessalonians 5:21
Rob Brett 08/04/2019
musingsofamiddleagedman.com 